And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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