this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
