The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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