I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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