Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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