To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
