i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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