Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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