Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
