he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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