I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
