I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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