When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
