What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
