I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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