ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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