I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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