I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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