aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
