You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
