He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
