I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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