my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
