I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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