All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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