dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize