Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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