You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, beer. Big fan.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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