I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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