You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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