My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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