You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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