Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
