Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
