I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
