Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
