the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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