Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
