Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
