reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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