so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
