I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
