i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
