evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
