Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
