okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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