I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
