I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
