I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
