i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
