You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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