im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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