The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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