when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
