i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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