this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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