he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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