Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
