I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
