nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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