my sisters under your porch take her home
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Terrible idea I love it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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