I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
