my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
